Ok, so in my previous post, I also gave you a gross list of all of the atrocities we have done because of our tribal instincts ( plz read and actually weap before moving forward). However, THIS post will be a ray of sunshine, hopefully blinding you so severely you won’t be able to see the bad in the world anymore.

Today boys and girls ( but mostly ladies #findyourtribe), we will do a deep dive into the psychological benefits, or why your brain LUVS talking to strangers. It may sound weird, given that we hear so many scary stories about strangers. But we are going to do an investigation as to why we sometimes get hung up on all the bad stories in the world.

We have a little old thing called negativity bias.

Our brains latch onto the negative stories or situations more than the positive ones.

Let’s say, if you post on Instagram and get 100 comments, you get 99 comments that praise the bejesus out of you and one negative one. You are going to focus on that negative one WAY harder than the others that worship you. Our brains can’t help it.

It is a survival instinct to help us learn faster. Our brains latch an uncomfortable feeling with an action, and it prevents us from doing it again. It might make us more fearful that it will happen again, even if it only happens once.

So we are more likely to fixate on one bad story than the thousands of good ones out there.

Which is why strangers are so dangerous and people are fearful of traveling. Because we have magnified the horrible stories of people being kidnapped, robbed, or murdered while out galavanting across the globe.

It’s easier to stay in our tribe, it’s safe there, and often has cookies.

We often share good stories about our own kind ( because we are biased) and write some insane smear campaigns about outsiders ( I don’t need to indulge in an example here, we all have that bigoted relative).

But at a time where we have the technology to trace ourselves back to the original ape that we all spawned from, we don’t have an excuse for tribalism. We are one tribe.

Tribalism gets in the way of peace and seeing each other as red-blooded humans ( but those green blooded humans can go f*ck themselves).

However, we can use this tribal instinct to our advantage.

We can switch it on pretty quickly. If you have taken a 16-hour bus through any country, you know that your bus group knows who is and isn’t on the bus when we pull over for the long awaited truck stop. We are all scanning out for each other. As we load back onto the bus we make sure everyone is back:

Man with the long hair and 90s sunglasses, check.
Cute old couple where the woman talks to her husband as he falls asleep, check.
Mother and teenage daughter who have more of a friend relationship, check.

When put in certain situations or share an experience, we feel like we belong in a group: at a Dolly Parton concert, being from a certain state, or a taking a long flight.

We crave belonging and being part of a tribe.

And our macro-relationships probably reflect this- your parents, friends, coworkers- probably are pretty similar to you.

These are important relationships to maintain, however, they can be exhausting or sometimes boring. What social psychologists have found is that micro relationships- the conversations with your barista, the daily passing of your deli man, or small talk with your FedEx guy- are just as important to feel like you are part of a community.

When people recognize acquaintances or strangers on the street, it makes them feel connected to a larger whole. This increases their sense of safety and purpose.

It isn’t just the obvious relationships that make us feel purposeful, it’s the subtle ones.

I’m extending this sociological observation to travel. pushes glasses up nose.

When I would make small talk with strangers- people I was just passing on the street, riding the same bus with, or sitting close to in a cafe- I felt connected to a global community. I felt safe in the world because I knew that 99.99% of the time someone would help me.

Studies have shown that people believe that not everyone wants to talk to them.

They believe that everyone would be like woop awkward, said the wrong thing and then gets off one stop early in order to avoid any more unpleasantries.

However, when put in a randomized study, those who were encouraged to talk to everyone on their bus found that everyone was willing to talk to them. These individuals walked away feeling happier on their commutes. Talking to strangers helps you realize that they have a complex inner life just like li’l old you.

It’s easy to pass judgement and think, “y'all are a bunch of superficial, spineless fish who have no real interests.” ( this is a common thought, right?).

When we talk to each other, it reminds us that we are all in this together. We humanize each other when we exchange words instead of making assumptions.

How can we make the world a bit better and make everyone feel safer and connected?

Tell your CVS attendant you like her nails. Ask her where she gets them done.

Or ask your gym receptionist for some pointers ( or make fun of their lack of upper body strength).
Or chat up the person reading a book on your commute. Ask them how they like it.

Talk to someone new today, see how you feel.
Please share it on the Facebook group! I would love to know how everyone felt about this social experiment. Encourage each other to do the same!

Why Talking to Strangers Will Make You