Why Kindness is the Best Thing You Can Do While Traveling
In our previous posts, we have been going down a rabbit hole on tribalism ( it doesn’t ever go away, but it does get quieter).
This once upon a time necessary survival instinct that unfortunately hasn’t gone extinct in our socially-complex modern society. It gets us to act in really unnecessary ways, bond with others over a common enemy and creates the concept of enemies to begin with * can’t we all just be friends?!
Tribalism allows us to turn away from each other.
However, we don’t have to give up total hope and believe that we are being sucked down a vortex of hate, racist comments, and personal insults. There is one thing that we fortunately do have to our advantage that has helped us get where we are today.
Kindness.
As much of an instinct we have for killing each other ( which is weirdly contradictory in the face of evolution) we also have a strong instinct for generosity.
Even if it is mildly self-serving.
If someone you don’t know falls into train tracks, your instinct is to jump in and help them, call 911, or scream for help like a woman being kidnapped in a cowboy movie.
Kindness defangs tribalism.
*Kindness snaps on rubber gloves and bends tribalism over.
We put up these glass walls around each other that warp our view of those around us. The moment we are nice to someone or someone is nice to us, it shatters this invisible, opaque glass we put between each other.
Kindness is what allowed us to survive and thrive.
We rebuilt after being bombed. We bring flowers when we breakup. We teach children to be generous. It is what has prevented us from destroying each other because we unfortunately do have the means to do it.
INDIA, KEEP YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THE A-BOMB BUTTON.
For as many people who did atrocities during any genoside or war ( as listed previously in this article) , there were an equal number of people fighting against it. Who believed in our greater humanity and overcame any biases against others.
It shows us the humanity we all have within each other. An unidentifiable human quality that isn’t located somewhere in the body. That has been imprinted into our genes. Passed on by good deeds and generous generations.
Kindness will show you the way.
Oh, and, wait, SCIENCE.
A study performed by two behavioral scientists suggests that people who talk with strangers are actually happier than those who keep to themselves. People were interviewed before and after to discuss how they think their interactions with strangers will affect their mood. Most people eye-rolled and where like what good could come from talking to a stranger? However, those who did talk to strangers found themselves to be in a better mood than before.
Kindness for the WIN.
* reaches out for a high-five
This study infers that when we talk to strangers, we tend to show a kinder version of ourselves. Even if we will never see this person’s sorry mug again, we still care about how we are perceived and want that to come off positively.
Kindness is a natural mood booster! How you behave affects your mood!
What a sexy reason to be kind.
Let’s go through all the other self-serving reasons to be nice.
When we are kind, a few, put powerful, hormones start racing through our body like the Indy 500.
( please understand that all my talk about hormones has been simplified, and they are wildly more complex than I or any scientist of our time will be able to articulate. It is a relatively new science in the history of the human body #wholefacts).
Oxytocin, serotonin, and gambusia ( jk that last one is a fish).
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. it is released when we orgasm and give birth
( which is why I feel abandoned when I am not held post orgasm - FUCKING HOLD ME, I AM HIGH WITH COMPASSION RN or MY HORMONES ARE FLOODING MY ENTIRE BODY). Maybe tmi, but this is my blog, and I get to draw the line. * kiss, kiss.
When we are kind, oxytocin jumps out of bed and rushes through your body faster than a child running down the stairs to open Christmas presents.
It lowers our blood pressure and is good for your heart health ( better than a bowl of cheerios). When oxytocin is flooding our system we feel more relaxed, our self-esteem increases, thoughts of depression are muted, we feel more purposeful and let’s insert one more oversimplified benefit.
Serotonin aka nature's prozac also comes into play. Serotonin is released when we experience pleasure- kisses, dancing, cocaine- anything that GETS US GOING.
The surge of these hormones positively conditions you when you do nice acts. Your brain begins to link pleasure and the action together. It makes you want to do more of it and gives you a bit of a helpers high. Apparently, the same area of our brain lights up when we give or receive kindness.
When we are kind ( and it is received) we get a DING of these rewarding hormones, which positively conditions us to be nicer. Which makes us want to do it again.
OUR BODIES LITERALLY WANT US TO BE NICER TO PEOPLE.
I literally hate the hackneyed use of literally but you literally understand what I’m literally using it.
Kindness and the positive hormonal effects are especially beneficial in social situations and calms our anxiety ( which is why when you take MDMA you want to talk and hug EVERYONE).
Acts of kindness also battle the less comfortable hormone responses and mentalities that bog us down sometimes. Kindness also lowers cortisol levels, the stress hormone, which keeps us calmer. Not being stressed keeps us looking’ good and living’ longer apparently
*nothing brings on aging faster than stress*- pans to a 24-year old working on Wall Street who hasn’t slept in 37 hours, is furiously clicking away on his computer and has a DEEP receding hairline.
Although it doesn’t cure depression, acts of kindness have been shown to lower or mitigate depressive states. You never know what someone is going through. Someone can have a smile plastered onto their faces during the day but wake up every morning weeping. Be kind, everyone is fighting their own internal battle.
Practicing acts of kindness also alleviates the more awkward characters in your life.
SHOUT OUT TO THE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS
* a group half raises their hands, scans the room, and then timidly puts them back down*
In a study that had socially anxious individuals practice six acts of kindness a week ( They took Sundays off to be the moody bitches they are) it made them more comfortable with reaching out to strangers and decreased in social avoidance. It made them more self driven to approach others spontaneously.
When it affects us on a biological level it ACTUALLY CHANGES OUR CHEMISTRY. When our bodies are flooded with oxytocin and serotonin vs cortisol, it influences our epigenetics for the better. Humans are incredibly malleable. I KNOW, you might be thinking, “this traveling Nancy doesn’t have the authority to talk about all this science stuff, but little did you know, I have a Psychology degree. * slams crumpled piece of paper down on the table. But a personal pet peeve is when unscientific individuals write about science in a general, watered down, misconstrued manor. Kind of like this post. Kind of.
This is an off topic rant, but I just want you to get a sense of how my brain looks at this- by capturing the light reflected on my eyeballs and flipped right side up and then translated to my brain with preconceived schemas of the objects around me...ok I’ll stop.
Last point:
people who behave more altruistically are happier in life.
It makes them feel more connected and purposeful.
It helps them see beyond themselves and how their actions can create ripple effects of (hopefully) more kindness.
Being kind can apparently increase our lifespan. Individuals who volunteer and give to others protects against heart disease.
People 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and that’s after sifting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status and many more. This is a stronger effect than exercising four times a week or going to church.
Elixir of life?
Kindness.
I think that kindness is particularly potent when you are abroad. When we are given kindness from people in a different country, it allows us to see them as individuals and begin to wear down the built up assumptions around specific nationalities.
People are proud of where they are from and want outsiders to have a great time in their home. When you open with kindness, locals will show you the best their city has to offer ( unless you stumbled into the one bar where three rugged men are doing a Mexican stand-off. Then I suggest to slowly back out of the bar and don’t look back once you’re out).
But kindness has been beneficial for me abroad, especially in stressful situations. When you travel, you are always mildly confused and/or stressed out.
You might not understand the language, how the city is organized, or how to read the signs around you. I have found that even when I am hulking out that I am lost or going to miss my bus/plane/donkey ride, being kind has gotten me ahead of the line WAY more than being a dick.
And from personal experience I find that I am my best self when I am talking to strangers.
You will meet people who seem impenetrable, but a little kindness might soften them.
Fair warning before I leave you: Kindness isn’t just saying yes to everyone who comes your way. Being honest, even if it is a no, is equally kind. Honesty might prevent current or later pain, which is uncomfortable yet kind. Don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to do.
So, my strangers, a social challenge I have for you is to go out and be nice to someone today. Help someone carry a stroller up a flight of stairs.
Complement ( and tip) your waitress.
Make small talk with your Uber driver.
Even if it turns out to be a bit awkward ( and you can vent about it in the facebook group) you know that you are actively making the world a better place. You are putting power and intention behind your actions and even if you make a fool of yourself you made someone smile.
